Emerge - Ramble Two
Hi there and welcome to month two of the Emerge Project. If you are one of the 23 of ramblers signed up to share in this journey, thank you for your contributions to last month’s Ramble. If you haven’t signed up yet, you can join us at any time along the way. You can read more about Emerge here. Ramble Two’s question and sign-up form can be found at the end in this blog.
Ramble One asked you to consider, “In what ways are you experiencing a loss in effectiveness or vigor? What concerns or interests you about those losses?’
Your offerings were open and vulnerable. What follows is my best effort to capture the essence of your incredibly rich contributions. I now realize it will be impossible for me to encapsulate the full breadth of your experiences, so I will focus mostly on the shared experiences. There was a distinctly common theme among your responses - People are putting a lot of effort into being, or trying to be, productive, and people are exhausted. In almost every case, you talked about the ways in which the last year has opened new opportunities, has helped you to realize something significant, has invited new behaviors, hobbies, and ways of being into your life. You are trying to make the most of an extraordinary situation with the hope that ‘when all this is over, it won’t all have been for nothing’. In the face of uncertainty, you have found safety, some control, and in many cases, meaning. You also suggest that these ‘gains’ might not have happened if it weren’t for an extended pause in the normal way of doing things. A productivity mindset has been helpful and I sense people feel grateful for that.
But. And. (You choose).
You might recall the Pema Chodron quote I shared about a year ago now. None of us is ok, but all of us is fine. Within, or perhaps underneath the realizations, reflections, and new opportunities, there is palpable exhaustion. For some, the fact that some people seem to be thriving only exacerbates the feeling that they are at times, barely surviving.
Susan – How is that my friends all seem to be baking, learning a new language, getting a puppy, all while losing 10 pounds with Noom? Some days, I can’t even get out of bed.
Clare – I find myself really quite envious of others who appear (at least online) to be full of effectiveness and vigor, it can make me feel even worse, like a failure.
Clare and Susan’s comments evoked the image of an iceberg. What are we doing that is visible above the water, on social media and in our small talk, and what’s happening below the surface? The iceberg metaphor is often used to suggest that what’s ‘really going on’ is somehow hidden from us, lurking in our unconscious or, if in our subconscious, perhaps submerged in shame. As it pertains to our question around loss of effectiveness and vigor, I like the use of the metaphor around what we show to others in the form of gain, versus what we might not show to others around the extent of our losses. Here’s what you told me about your gains and losses:
Does this metaphor resonate with you? What does this image evoke for you?
My takeaway - the need to be productive in ‘new’ ways has been critical to our coping and meaning making over the last 12 months. Pre-COVID activities that once allowed us to feel productive and accomplished are at best impaired, mostly diminished, and at worst causing damage to our confidence, orientation, and sense of self-worth. The critical question I am left with is this - Are the new ways of being productive balancing out the lack of productivity we are experiencing from areas of our Pre-COVID life? Should they? I can’t help thinking that it is in this gap, between the trying on of the new ways and the lack of interest, effectiveness and vigor in the old ways, where our anxiety, doubt, sadness, ambivalence, exhaustion, and sense of loss lie. There is something about that space that appears irreconcilable right now. The gap at times feels unbridgeable.
There are 8 ramblers have experienced a dramatic change in their professional life over the last 12 months: 1 retired, 2 decided to initiate a long overdue job change, 2 were already between jobs, and 3 were laid off. I am one of them and have shared in my previous Rambles the struggle, and opportunity to reinvent myself professionally. Kristin, Su, Clare and Jordan all relate to the ambivalence around this unexpected juncture:
Kristin - But, are these simple life skills just passing time as I somehow wait for my previous "life" to re-emerge? I find myself forcing a daily agenda to get things done, albeit projects I have always wanted to understand. But when I stop and listen, it feels like a loss, a mourning for my previous accomplishments and makes me question my daily and future vigor. Honestly, do I even really want what I had (financially, sure)? What deep pride am I getting from my new-found skills anyway? Is there a new life balance that can give me satisfaction when much of my professional work has defined me?
Su - During COVID I lost my job. This was devastating as I realized how much of my sense of self was invested in my work. Losing my job meant days of sitting with myself and a whole lot of time for reflection. Ironically, that is something I was craving before it was forced upon me. I have had to adjust my understanding of "work" and hope that this shift and time spent away from "work" does not result in atrophy...
Jordan - I have no idea what is coming next!!! That's both exhilarating and terrifying . A chapter of my life is ending. I will never even go back to my office under "normal" circumstances. At the same time, I don't think we can go back to "business as usual" and I know that I never will. I've been running regularly and doing yoga three times a week. This is something I did for myself during quarantine, and I want to maintain the discipline of this rigor. I never made time for myself before. I was fat and drinking a lot and unhappy. I've made a decision to remove the thing making me most unhappy (my job), so now I really have no excuse. THAT concerns me.
Clare – I am experiencing considerable ambivalence as to whether I want to go back to an old way of working or whether I can find a new way that takes more account of my own well-being on an ongoing basis.
Clare’s ambivalence around old ways and new ways serves as a pivot towards Ramble Two’s Emerge question. I feel like we are being encouraged and led towards a notion that by the fall of this year we might be able to travel again, children will be educated in-person, and offices may reopen etc. In other words, some resumption of normality. That’s 5 months away (not uncoincidentally the amount of months left in the Emerge Project). Is that enough time for you? Yes, we desperately want to travel again and finally visit loved ones more safely, but we also have a lot of unanswered questions and a great deal of ambivalence. Maybe we need to spend a little longer in this gap between old ways and new ways? If the signals and cues of our pre-COVID lives return in 5 months, might they cause us to cut short a once in a life time, (or decade at least) opportunity to make lasting change in our lives?
Here is Ed’s answer to the question, ‘What concerns or interests you about these losses’?
My concern is over not having made the most of the opportunities the pandemic has provided; and the possible regrets at the thought of not having done more in relation to my own potential, and the actualizations of others; the specter of being left behind in potential advancement post-Pandemic. I'm predominantly interested in making the most of the time and opportunities that are left during the remainder of the Pandemic, and the Transition which we are currently cresting. It’s imperative I realize the lessons of the Pandemic in the coming new normal, and make the most of the remainder of my life having just lived through an historic upheaval in the story of humanity.
So, Ramble Two’s question is; If you, like Ed, Heather, Kristin, Su, Jordan, and Clare, and actually most of the rest of you, are looking to make changes in your life based on what you have learned over the last 12 months, or at the very least, have more clarity about what you might need and want moving forward, to what degree are you conscious that a window of opportunity is closing?
I hope you will add your thoughts on this by contributing to Ramble 2. Click here or on the green button below to fill out the google form.
Thanks everyone and see you in a month.!
EMERGE- Ramble One
Welcome to the Emerge Project!
Today’s Ramble is the first of six monthly conversations. (If you are new to my Rambles, click here). I don’t know what this extended conversation is going to look like, but I do know I can’t have it without you. I am looking for people to join me on the next six Rambles to chart and document our individual and shared experiences as we tenuously and tentatively emerge from COVID. Here’s why.
I am concerned that we will get swept up in the relief. I mean, we are human after all. I imagine that the return to the fundamental elements of our lives; reuniting with loved ones, travel, and the simplicity of sitting with friends in a restaurant, will have the pull a powerful drug. I cannot wait to see my besties over brunch, to entertain friends in my kitchen, and most of all, to visit my family in England. The anticipation of the relief is palpable. But. The term ‘back to normal’ is bounced around amidst a flurry of qualifiers. It means different things to different people. Many reject the idea that we could return to ‘normal’ even if we wanted to, and some (I am one of them) believe strongly that we should not. Others long for a return to the way things were.
Each of the six rambles will pose a powerful question to encourage you to explore and monitor your emerging experience as it evolves. I will gather, curate and collate your contributions, and distribute them back to you the following month via my newsletter, along with the next Ramble and its attendant question. You don’t have to contribute every month, but it would be wonderful to have you along for the entire journey. Hopefully, at the end of the six months, you will have felt the support of other contributors through the sharing of their stories, and have taken steps to translate your COVID 2020-2021 learnings into lasting change.
One note, I really do want you to focus your thinking and responses on you. We find that hard, and for good reason. One of the seemingly universal takeaways from living through COVID is that human connection is essential. Technology is king in the modern age, but as it turns out, it is not enough. If you have children, close relatives, dependents, spouses, friends, colleagues, it is hard to consider your emergence separate from the interdependent relationships that greatly impact your daily life. And yet we are the sun in our solar system, the planets orbiting around us. Eleanor Roosevelt summed this fundamental truth up so succinctly when she said, “Somewhere along the line of development we discover what we really are, and then we make our real decision for which we are responsible. Make that decision primarily for yourself because you can never really live anyone else’s life, not even your own child’s.”
To join the EMERGE conversation, please fill out the google form by clicking on the button at the end of this blog. In addition to your name, email, and a question about confidentiality, there will be space to respond to the Ramble One question, which focuses on recovery. Before we can move forward, it feels necessary to examine what has been lost over the past 12 months, what has laid dormant, or even atrophied. The definition for the word atrophied took my breath away... Ready?
Atrophied - having lost effectiveness or vigor due to underuse or neglect.
Yup. So, as we begin our conversation, my first question to you is:
In what ways are you experiencing a loss in effectiveness or vigor? And, what concerns and/or interests you most about these losses?
Ready to emerge? Just fill out the form, lace up your walking shoes, and let’s Ramble!
How are you coping?
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This month I read a new book and have reacquainted myself with a past favorite. The main purpose of today’s blog is to share those two resources with you, as I have found them deeply helpful in reconciling a fundamental contradiction that exists in my work as a transitions specialist. The time between what was and what will be is one of great learning, activity, exploration, and experimentation. And, transitions are a time for retreating, reflection and rest. I’m realizing that this polarity presents a dynamic tension that embraces the spectrum of ways in which people are coping during COVID.
I’m noticing that three dominant narratives for ‘coping’ have started to emerge and converge.
1) Meaning making. COVID has to be happening for a reason. “If we have to live through this, then we’d better learn something from it and come out better on the other side.” “If it hadn’t been for COVID, I would never have...” “COVID has reminded me how much I …” For meaning makers (and I am generalizing of course) living through the time of COVID is to some degree distinct from ordinary existence, an unusual window of time to leverage. They may generatate enough energy to externalize their learnings and even take action to make lasting changes in their lives. Is this you?
2) It’s meaningless. Living through the time of COVID is just part of the ebb and flow of life. It’s totally random. “It is what it is”. “I’m just taking one day at a time.” “It’s out of my control.” These people may turn inwards, adapting their behaviors and daily actions in small ways to manage. They may step back, slow down, reflect. Is this you?
3) That both 1 and 2 are true, valid, and helpful. One day you are energized, generating plans and ideas, and the next day you are in bed with little or no motivation to get out of it. Is this you?
What’s unfortunate is that society is much more likely to notice, accept and reward the meaning makers. ‘Good for you!” We label this behavior as resilient, courageous, strong. And don’t get me wrong, it is all of those things. However, we are much less likely to be comfortable, let alone celebrate, the need or choice to retreat. We don’t live in a culture where inviting grief and sadness in is accepted as necessary and productive.
My first resource suggestion is the work of Pauline Boss, author of Ambiguous Loss – Learning to live with unresolved grief. I first heard her interviewed by On Being host Krista Tippett in 2016 in an episode called “Navigating Loss without Closure”. This groundbreaking work named the experience of grieving when a loved one is not dead but missing, or absent through an illness such as dementia, or alive but no longer in your life, like a former spouse, or estranged sibling. Under these circumstances, we are denied the opportunity to resolve the loss by performing the traditional rituals. Instead, sufferers of a missing loved one for example live with the ambiguity of ‘they might come back, or they might not.’
(In the West) we don’t like suffering. It’s a more Eastern idea that suffering is part of life. Our idea is that suffering is something you should get over… or fix it or find some solution for it… But here’s the crux: Now and then, there’s a problem that has no solution. Now and then, there are problems that don’t have a perfect fix. And then this idea of holding two opposing ideas in your mind at the same time (they might come back and they might not) is very useful for stress reduction. (Boss)
In regard to coping with COVID, life might return to the way it was, and it might not. We might finally be able to visit family in the summer, and we might not. Yes, it’s incredible that a vaccine was generated so quickly, but we know that the vaccine is not a cure. There is no known solution. Meanwhile, the losses, in every sense of the word, are piling up and we are grieving while coping.
I am ultimately a meaning maker but this past year I learned to put my armor down, (thanks Brene Brown) finally registering that my self-worth is not predicated on how busy or stressed I am. When my job ended unexpectedly and painfully pre-COVID, I made some travel plans (which never happened) with the intent of returning to launch an active job search in the summer of 2020. If it weren’t for COVID, LJN Advisory, my coaching and consulting firm would not have had the time to take root, to render some results from my months of networking and marketing. To be around long enough for it to look more like a hard turn rather than a temporary plug in my career.
AND, If it weren’t for COVID, I would never have allotted 10 months to rest, reflect, to take the time to deeply consider what I wanted and needed. I could easily have rushed back to what felt familiar and safe. I had plenty of days when I didn’t open my computer, felt the loss of my security and identity keenly, and struggled with motivation. I had a steadily ascending career trajectory for nearly 20 years. How am I here? How is this my life? It made no sense, but in my heart, I knew that sitting with that truth was part of my coping.
If something is nonsensical, totally without logic, without meaning, as many of these terrible events are, then I think we have to leave it there. But I think we have to label it as “It’s meaningless.” I can live with something meaningless, someone might say, but what I’ve found is, as long as I have something else in my life that is meaningful. (Boss)
The second resource, Wintering – The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by English author Katherine May, has kind of blown my mind to be honest. You know that experience when you feel that a book was written for you and that you happened to stumble upon it at exactly the time you needed it? Again, I first listened to May interviewed by Krista Tippett in January. I ordered the book which I devoured in a single sitting.
May focuses on how treating the space between two worlds as a time of nourishment is absolutely essential to our human experience. She defines Wintering as “A season in the cold… A fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of outsider.” May reminds us that most animals in seasonal countries prepare for several months for the onset of winter, for an extended period of darkness and cold when resources are scant. Humans don’t just lack preparation for winter, we fight to keep it at bay, chasing the sun and worrying that we will be seen differently or even weak if we show how lost, sad and unmotivated we are.
In our relentlessly busy contemporary world, we are forever trying to defer the onset of winter… An occasional sharp wintering would do us good. We must stop believing that these times in our lives are somehow silly, a failure of nerve, a lack of willpower. We must stop trying to dispose of them. They are real, and they are asking something of us. We must learn to invite the winter in. We may never choose to winter, but we can choose how.
And here in this final quote from May, is our polarity again, the value of holding up and living with two seemingly opposing truths.
In our winter, a transformation happened. We read and worked and problem-solved and found new solutions. We changed our focus away from pushing through with normal life and towards making a new one. When everything is broken, everything is also up for grabs. That’s the gift of winter. Change will happen in its wake whether we like it or not. We come out of it wearing a different coat.
I think it was Pauline Boss who said that no matter how you are choosing to cope, the most important question to ask yourself is “What are you learning about yourself and what you need?” The simple power of this question is at the heart of both women’s work. I hope you find these two interviews as revelatory and comforting as I did. If so, pass them on to your loved ones.
Does your resume tell a story?
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I have several coaching clients who are in career transition. These are amazing individuals who have been doing a type of work for most of their career, and now they want to do a different type of work. Perhaps in a different sector, field, or at a different size organization. For some it’s a shift, for others, a hard turn. It is not a coincidence that most of these clients are in their late 30’s or 40’s. They have spent the first part of their working life acquiring education and skills, proving their competency, establishing core values, and climbing the organizational chart. Now they are looking to pivot, to find work that aligns with an emerging desire to make a difference in the world, and most significantly, to create the working conditions under which their success is measured by their wellbeing.
Our work life, like your relational life, has its own natural rhythm. The task is to find the connection between the change in your work or career and the underlying developmental rhythm in your life. William Bridges.
In the past, the resume has functioned as a list of things you have done in the past. However, if your resume only represents who you were, it is unlikely to get you work that reflects who you want to be. Assuming you know ‘what’ you want, (the meat of the work of a career transitions coach and client) it is vital to build a resume that signals those desires to the potential employee. If you don’t, they might assume you are looking to do the work you’ve already done. Right?
In our informational and creative age, here are three things employers care about:
1) What motivates you?
2) Do you have an adaptable and developing mindset?
3) Do you understand how your attributes and transferable skills will meet the unmet needs of the organization?
Here’s three things the 21st century employer cares much less about than they did 20 years ago. Bridges refers to them as the 3 E’s:
1) Education – Unless your education is vocational or industry specific, it just doesn’t carry the same weight it used to. I know… it’s painful to think about. Employers want to see you have it, but they are not as interested in where you got it, or what you studied. Additionally, in recognition of the systemic barriers that prevent BIPOC from having equal access to higher education, some socially responsive organizations and corporations are removing degree requirements from their job postings.
2) Experience – By this I mean, how long you have been in the job. It’s the difference you made that matters, not how long you were there. In fact, because adaptability is so valued today, a long tenure at a company can work against you.
3) Endorsements – a referral or recommendation can be helpful in getting your resume read or even an interview. But there are often power dynamics between the employer and referrer (they went to Harvard Business School together and frequently trade favors) that could result in a courtesy interview situation. Most importantly, only the employer really knows what attributes are required to get the job done. And, emotionally intelligent employers are looking to understand a candidate’s areas for growth, and referrals seldom go there.
You can’t rely on your cover letter to sell yourself. What if they don’t open it? If that possibility fills you with horror, that’s an indicator that your resume isn’t telling your story. How can you structure the first page of your resume to read like a snapshot of who you are as a human being and professional? Here’s my 5 suggestions to ensure that your resume tells the story of who you are, what matters to you, and the difference you can make. Your resume should:
1) Reveal your core values through achievements and milestones - You don’t have to list everything you have been responsible for in your previous positions. It’s boring and they will scan over it. Focus on selected achievements and milestones, big or small, that were meaningful to you and impactful to others and to the organization.
2) Codify your professional identity - How would you answer the question, ‘What do you do?’ Create a heading that succinctly articulates your whole professional identity. For example, mine is Coach. Consult. Lead. Search.
3) Promote your potential - Be future oriented! How could your cumulative skills and experiences transfer to the position and help the organization move things forward.
4) Illustrate your whole-self - There’s no such thing as work life balance. There’s just life. “I am myself for a living.” (James Taylor). The things you love and value in life can be valuable assets to an organization.
5) Document your career evolution - Show ways in which you have invested in your development as a professional, by taking risks, failing, falling and getting back up, moving to a new company or place, surfacing stronger after a challenging organizational transition, taking on new responsibilities that are out of your lane, seizing training opportunities etc.
Overhauling your resume is a necessary step along the journey of any career transition. There is a great deal of reflection, reimagining and exploring to be done before you start. Again, if you know what you want, what you are good at, what matters to you, and the difference you want to make, it will write itself. I’ll leave you with the words of management consultant Peter Drucker. Good luck, and you know where you find me if you’d like to partner with someone to write your story.
Successful careers are not planned. They are the careers of people prepared for the opportunity because they know their strengths, the way they work and their values. For knowing where one belongs makes ordinary people, hardworking, competent but mediocre otherwise, into outstanding performers. Peter Drucker – Management Challenges for the 21st Century
Keep moving…
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I don’t know about you, but I experienced sadness over the holiday period, and especially on New Year’s Eve. Part of this was not being able to celebrate with friends and family in the usual way, but mostly, it was the realization that 12/31/20 was just another day, and that 2021 was going to arrive with the same concerns and obstacles that have consumed our 2020 experience. COVID numbers are on the rise, and then domestic terrorism was added to the growing list of co-occurring pandemics. I certainly felt an exhale following the safe inauguration on Wednesday, but we have so far to go and so much work to do. We have to keep moving.
This is considerably easier said than done. I have found myself suffering from a syndrome I am calling, ‘Everything will be ok once…/I’ll get to it when…’ Have you found yourself saying…..?
After the election is over, I can…
Once we are through the holidays, I’ll…
I’ll get to it in 2021
I can exhale after the inauguration…
Once Trump is out of office things will be…..
When I get the vaccine, we can…
Once the pandemic is over, everything will be….
Whether you consider yourself a procrastinator or not, let’s cut ourselves some slack. This has gone on way longer than anyone thought, and we all want our lives to resume in an informed and fulfilling way. We want to see loved ones, travel, and desperately need to feel safe and secure. It’s been tough to stay motivated enough to complete even the simplest tasks, like getting out of bed, let alone rallying the energy to achieve more aspirational items on your to-do list.
Two people encouraged me to keep moving this past week. Firstly, Dr. King, whose wisdom flooded my social media feed this past Monday:
If you can’t fly, then run.
If you can’t run, then walk.
If you can’t walk, then crawl.
If you can’t crawl,
but by all means, keep moving.
Secondly, his urging message reminded me of a book a friend and colleague recommended to me last summer, Keep Moving– Notes on loss, creativity and change by poet Maggie Smith. The book reads like a journal of daily encouragements for us to see new beginnings as opportunities for transformation, and to celebrate the beauty and strength on the other side of loss. In this 7 minute interview with Smith (click here) she tells us that as part of her grieving process, she would “Try on hope every day like a garment”. Smith goes on to share that meditating on hope felt ‘itchy’ and ‘oversized’ at first but with intentional daily practice, became more comfortable over time.
“Stop waiting on some grand permission to change your life. The universe is to going to tell you it’s ok. Tell yourself it’s ok. Keep moving.” (Smith)
People often ask me what the difference is between transition and change. I have many answers to this question, but as it pertains to the subject of today’s blog, I would answer in a couple of ways. One, that transitions happen over a period of time. By paying regular (daily?) attention to our inner realignment, we can incrementally close the gap between who we are, and who we want to be. And, as Smith said in the quote above, no-one is going to make the transition for us, only we can do it. Here’s another of her gems:
Think of grief, anger, worry as bricks or planks of wood. Stop staring at the materials, half believing they were delivered to you by mistake, half-expecting a truck to haul them away. Accept that these are your materials right now. Start building. Keep moving.
2020 was a herculean disruption in our lives, and 2021 is following suit. But the call to action, to ourselves as individuals, our loved ones, neighbors, communities, organizations, our nation, and the world, is ongoing. As William Bridges, author of Transitions said:
Opt for the turtle, forget about the hare. At the same time, do keep moving. The transition that bought you to this place cannot be undone.
As a transitions coach and consultant, my work is to encourage people to keep moving, serving as a positive accountability partner in my client’s personal and professional journey. If you are suffering from the “Everything will be ok once/I’ll get to it when’ syndrome, here’s my advice:
1) Be kind to yourself. You are in good company. 2) A little bit every day goes a long way. And 3) Keep moving!
Write your 2021 story
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2020 has arguably been the greatest disruptor of the way human beings live their daily lives since WWII. In fact, people will be writing books making analogies like this for decades to come, just like people wrote books about how humanity was changed forever after the Spanish flu, the World Wars, and after 9/11. I am not a historian and clearly will not be one of those authors, but as a Gestalt trained practitioner, I am deeply interested in systems. While the above events, and the context surrounding the events are very different, what makes the analogy hold up is the scale of the disruption. COVID 19 didn’t just impact you, your immediate household, your work place, or even just your country, it caused a full system disruption. All inhabitants of our planet have been impacted.
Human beings are resilient creatures, and they are also resistant creatures. We are significantly more adept at forming new habits and behaviors than we are at changing or eradicating existing ones. Here’s a simple example you might relate to, your clothes closet. Do you throw away an item of clothing every time you purchase a new one? Maybe, if so, good for you! Most likely, your clothes accumulate over time, and you predominantly wear items you purchased in the last 1-3 years. They are the clothes in the best condition, they fit your body in its current state, and they reflect your current personal and professional identity. You also have clothes in your closet that you have not worn for many years that reflect a past identity, that you bought for a specific event, or fit a body shape you once had. I have a closet full of ‘executive’ clothes that I bought when I became a CEO in 2018. That part of my identity ended unexpectedly in 2020 and I find that I’m not ready to donate them as they represent a recent part of who I was. Most likely, I will purge that section of my wardrobe the next time I move. A move is a large enough disruption to warrant taking a hard look at the clothes I really like, need, and wear. To make significant and lasting change in our lives, we need disruption. While the disruption is occurring, we experience discomfort, pain, and loss. But in it’s aftermath, we know and understand more, and if we act on that knowledge, we are profoundly changed. As Buddhist monk Pema Chodron so acutely said, “Having the rug pulled out from under you is a big opportunity to change your fundamental pattern”.
As we turn into 2021, I think we all understand that that we are participants in a global paradigm shift. I sense, and hear that people want that. We desperately want to look back on 2020 and say ‘If it wasn’t for COVID 19, or the murder of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, or the wildfires in Australia and the western states, as terrible as all that was, we would never have...” Things have to be better moving forward. How do we get there? I don’t know. I’m aware this sounds trite, but how about we start with bite size chunks. Let’s start with you. Change happens one person at a time. It’s the smallest system level there is, the quietest disruptor, but perhaps the most powerful.
Everyone has a 2020 story. But it’s your 2021 story that will matter. Writing that story will take reflection, reclamation and reimagining. You’ll need to make space for it, be intentional, and gather people around you for support, and to hold you accountable. We need to do that for each other if we are going to make positive and lasting changes to the way we live our lives.
I’ve launched a coaching offering specifically designed to assist people in gathering their 2020 experiences, and using what has been learned to inform decision making for 2021 and beyond. Write YOUR 2021 story will kickstart your response to the great disruptor. Through deep listening and powerful questions, I can surface information that brings structure and action to your story. To learn more, click on the link above.
It’s going to take a long time for us to see progress on a full systems level. 2020 has brought into the light the deep rooted inequities of humanity. We can’t wait for others to make the changes for us. Start with you. Start now.
To be more productive - Do nothing
I started a session with a client yesterday with the common opener, “How was your day?” He answered, “Full of meetings, so completely unproductive. I got nothing done.” Yup. I remember that feeling well from my leadership days. I would annually set a new year’s resolution to build space into my work calendar for big picture thinking like vision, strategy, and the development of new impactful new programs. Not to mention time to eat, take a walk, connect with my colleagues, and use the restroom between meetings! I see you nodding, you know what I mean.
After years of being in this cycle, I figured it out. My top tip for productivity? Do less. Or, even better, do nothing.
I am aware this sounds ridiculous.
Adding a 30 minute buffer in between meetings doesn’t seem that difficult, so why don’t we do it? Our answer is always a short laugh followed by an automated response, ‘I just don’t have time.’ Today’s blog is designed to challenge that mindset. Taking a ‘step back’ is critical to our ability to take a step forward. The first step is to quieten the voices that tell you that ‘stepping back’ is a waste of time. (Your voice will be the loudest.) Know that you are doing your colleagues, organization, family, or friend group a disservice if you dismiss ‘doing nothing’ as a waste of time. Secondly, experiment until you find a version of ‘doing nothing’ that works for you. The necessary qualities are few; realistic, repeatable, and restorative. The three r’s! Thirdly, trust that you will notice the benefits of this practice over time and like any practice, you’ll get better at it. Once you personally experience the value of stepping back, it will become an essential function within your work/life flow .
Fundamentally, we understand the idea of a ‘retreat’, a break from the normal way of doing things. This is essentially what a vacation is right? You remove yourself from your regular environment, the cues, people, and behaviors that populate your daily life. The goal of a vacation or retreat is…? You can fill in that gap with your own answer. For me, it’s a sense of adventure, a chance to see things from a new perspective, and to get a change of scenery. The cumulative effect of these benefits is that I feel rejuvenated and inspired.
When you scale the vacation example down to our day-to-day experience, it might look like a walk in the mid-afternoon, a 2-hour weekly calendar block titled, ‘do nothing’, sitting quietly in a softly lit room for 30 minutes a day, the daily 5-minute walk to your favorite spot to pick up coffee. Solo. No scrolling. No phone calls. For once in your life you don’t have to produce results or accomplish anything.
The idea of stepping back or even ‘out’ of doing something to do nothing, has become significantly more challenging for most of us during COVID. For some people, their commute to work, however much they might have complained about it, served as their ‘nothing.’ Gone. I’m hearing from friends and clients that creating structure in the day when every function of their lives, work, sleep, exercise, education, worship, etc., is happening under the same roof. This is becoming a chronic issue, and as working from home is likely to be a norm moving forward, it feels important for us to develop productive habits as soon as possible, habits that include ‘doing nothing’.
So, what does your version of ‘doing nothing’ look like? Mine is rambling, (surprised much?). I do my best thinking and writing when I am walking or running. I also have some productive conversations (with myself), and find I rant very persuasively when running! I’ll come home, turn on my computer and the creative content is ready to flow.
Your ‘doing nothing’ doesn’t have to be perceptible to anyone else other than yourself. It doesn’t have to be seated meditation, crocheting, or rambling for that matter. You just need to create conditions that promote generative thinking; solidarity, the absence of technological distractions, and if possible, a change of location is helpful. These conditions might create enough space in your crowded crania for new thoughts, solutions, and for inspiration to surface.
I was recently gifted a beautifully illustrated book (pictured below) by a Zen Buddhist teacher and writer, Haemin Sunim, called, ‘The Things you can see only when you slow down.’ I think the gift giver (an employee) was trying to tell me something! He writes:
Do you have something on your mind?
Then take a walk in the sun.
Under the warmth of the sun,
your brain will release serotonin, which calms
the mind.
If you let your mind linger on the question
without trying too hard to find the solution,
an answer will emerge on its own
And if that wasn’t inspirational enough, I had to have my favorite poet, Mary Oliver weigh in. In her work, I consistently hear her encouraging us to step back and out; it’s at the heart of her creative existence. I’ll leave you with this poem, and a reminder of the question of the day,
“What does your version of ‘doing nothing’ look like?”
Today
Today I’m flying low and I’m
not saying a word
I’m letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep.
The world goes on as it must,
the bees in the garden rumbling a little,
the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten.
And so forth.
But I’m taking the day off.
Quiet as a feather.
I hardly move though really I’m traveling
a terrific distance.
Stillness. One of the doors
into the temple.
Exhaling 2020
Weekly Ramble Preview video
In 29 days, it will be 2021. Insert your own exclamation here. Feel free to shout it out, no-one will hear you. Throw in an expletive or two if it helps. Or perhaps you just need to exhale for the next 29 days. This year more than ever, it’s feels important to mark the turn of the year in an intentional and meaningful way.
I was listening to behavioral economist and Harvard Business School faculty member Michael Norton talk before the thanksgiving holiday about the significance of engaging in rituals. In 2020, many of our normal rituals have been disrupted; weddings, funerals, holiday traditions, graduations, vacations, end of year staff potlucks, and the list goes on. Jordan stressed that rituals restore our sense of control, and remind us that we can, and will get through this. They calm and regulate us while creating and strengthening bonds. In a year with so much actual and ambiguous loss, our inability to perform and participate in these rituals has compounded a profound sense of sadness and detachment.
In reality, January 1st is just another day, one out of 365. At some point, humans made the decision to attribute significance to that day, and for good reason. For me, it’s something to do with clearing the ground; discarding residue that I don’t want to carry over. This reflective self-inventory helps to set the stage for what I want to achieve personally and professionally in the new year.
William Bridges, author of Transitions states that ‘Every new beginning starts with an ending’. In other words, ritualizing, celebrating, and marking endings are a pre-requisite for successful beginnings. You might remember from an earlier blog that part of building resiliency is our ability to be adaptable, and to give us credit, we’ve done a pretty admirable job of reinventing our usual rituals to make the best of a crappy situation. The lesson here is, don’t let the lack of your usual way of doing things stop you from doing anything at all. I am sure the ball will drop in an empty Times Square.
A special shout out to leaders and managers who have supported teams during a period of crisis, (and remotely!). If an end of year collective ritual would be beneficial for your team, I have created a coaching offering called E.X.H.A.L.E. designed to reflect on people’s individual and shared experience during a challenging 2020, and to use those experiences to strengthen and energize the team for 2021. The framework of this offering would be helpful for individuals and non-work groups too, so check it out.
Poet T.S. Elliot said, ‘The end is where we start from’. So, how are you going to mark the end of 2020 and the beginning of 2021? Think about it. Talk with your family, friends and colleagues.
Reflect. Acknowledge. Honor. Celebrate. Clear the Ground. Exhale.
“This is just a beginning”
When the results of the 2020 election came out on Saturday, Michelle Obama’s message was clear. In her usual wise and compassionate way, she said via social media:
“After we celebrate – and we should all take a moment to exhale after everything we’ve been through – let’s remember that this is just a beginning. It’s a first step.”
For me, this message would have been less powerful, and I would go as far as to say less accurate, if she had said “This is just the beginning.” The use of the word ‘the’ might signal a false sense of having ‘arrived’. While this might have temporarily increased our confidence (and reduced a significant build-up of anxiety!) it would ultimately have promoted a false sense of security. The subtle difference between the determiners ‘a’ and ‘the’ makes a lot of difference when it comes to our seemingly endless struggle to accept that the ground shifts beneath us constantly.
As I have mentioned in past blogs, my work as a coach and consultant is centered around the work of organizational consultant William Bridges. In his landmark book ‘Transitions’, he reframes our long-held simplistic notion that everything has a beginning, a middle and an end. I use the word ‘reframe’ because he is in fact a huge proponent of this tri-structure. However, he does not believe that they happen in that order, or that they are even sequential. In fact, he stresses that they often happen simultaneously, they always overlap, they repeat, and loop, and cycle and… well, you get the idea. Only the last 18 pages of his 185-page book are dedicated to ‘new beginnings’. “We forget how indirect and unimpressive new beginnings are”, he says. The other 157 pages focus on the significance of ‘endings’ and most importantly, the work that lies in the space between what was, and what will be. It’s in the middle, (he calls this the ‘neutral zone’) where real transformation happens.
Even though the external new beginning may happen very quickly… the internal re-identification and re-engagement always occur more slowly.
When the first black man was elected President of the United States at the end of 2007, we celebrated hard and for good reason. We partied, marched, wept, sang, wrote poetry and created art. We fiercely believed and hoped. Surely this was a ‘new beginning’? Undoubtedly, this was a long overdue leap for this country. Many black people thought that they would never live to see the day. This was progress. Things will be different now. Right?
But, at the end of 2015…
When Michelle Obama said “It’s just a beginning” instead of ‘It’s just the beginning,’ she is reminding us that the work is ongoing, and always ahead of us.
Voting in one election isn’t a magic wand, and neither is winning one. Let us remember the millions of people who voted for the status quo… We’ve got a lot of work to do to reach out to those folks and connect with them… The path to progress will always be uphill.
Here’s Bridges again:
Genuine beginnings depend on an inner realignment rather than on external shifts, for it is only when we are aligned with deep longings that we become powerful motivated.
In westernized culture, we remain more comfortable with bright lines, fixed timelines, and clear structure. We like strong signals that an ending is final, and that after a new beginning, there is no need to look back. Eastern philosophers are thankfully relentless in their efforts to soften these behaviors, encouraging us to embrace uncertainty and find comfort within chaos. We are slow learners, aren’t we? The pathway to new beginnings is paved with more than sheer perseverance. It’s paved with beginnings and first steps. Thank you Michelle, for your words of wisdom. You join company with so many wise women teachers who continue to inspire me every day. I’ll close this week’s ramble with the words of another, Buddhist monk, Pema Chödrön:
What does it take to use the life we already have in order to make us wiser rather than more stuck…The answer to these questions seems to have to do with bringing everything that we encounter to the path. Everything naturally has a ground, a path, and fruition. This is like saying that everything has a beginning, middle, and end. But it is also said that the path itself is both the ground and the fruition. The path is the goal.
Unpack your saturation point
Click on the video!
Last week I heard the phrase ‘concurrent pandemics’ for the first time. Wow. Yes.
Clients have recently been sharing that they are experiencing a build-up of pressure; saying things like, ‘I just can’t take one more thing thrown at me,’ and ‘I am beyond maxed out.’ My favorite was ‘The s**t is hitting the fan from too many directions.’ One client expressed that they felt like a ‘sponge that cannot take on any more water’. He was saturated. For him, that felt like numbness. For others, panic.
At this point, 8 months into COVID (the umbrella pandemic), we are feeling the cumulative impact of multiple and concurrent underlying stressors: parenting anxious children, increased pressure at work, being out of work during an economic downturn, serious concerns around short and long term financial stability, staying safe and healthy, the impending election, lack of socialization, and the list goes on. And on.
As it looks like we might be here for a while, it seems necessary to figure out a way to ‘wring out your own sponge’ when you reach a saturation point. I went through the following exercise to wring out my own sponge. Perhaps try it for yourself.
Imagine COVID is a large river that dams, and the related (or unrelated) stressors as tributaries flowing into that river
Make a list of your tributaries
Acknowledge that each of these tributaries by themselves would be stressful enough
Realize that individually, the tributaries have their own cycles, energy, flow, and specific challenges
Notice that you respond to, and cope with each of these tributaries differently. Not all the tributaries are the same length. Some are deeper than others. Some flow quickly, some flow so slowly they appear stagnant
Chart the highs and lows for each of these tributaries over the last 8 months. (See visual below). Notice that the tributaries peak at different times
Observe that sometimes, one or more peaks occur concurrently. They flow into the river and dam breaks. You’ve reached a saturation point
Here’s why this exercise was helpful for me. When I feel the pressure reaching saturation point, I remind myself that I’m experiencing the cumulative impact of multiple stressors. I look at my list and figure out what’s peaking and focus on accessing the coping mechanisms for that particular stressor. If it’s two, or god help me, three concurrent stressors, I step back, or away. When I’m ready (which might not be until the next day), I prioritize, and tackle the individual challenges in bite size chunks, Releasing the dam one tributary at a time.
Ok. I feel like my ramble is rambling, and my analogy is getting unwieldy! Take what resonates with you and explore. If you try the exercise yourself, I’d love to hear what was useful and what you learned. If you want some support unpacking your saturation point, please reach out to me, or a loved one.
One. Stressor. At. A. Time. Please.
The Professional Pivot - Buckle up!
My career, as I had known it for the first half of my working life, came to an unexpected end in January of 2020, when the organization I worked for sadly closed. Even though I knew I was going to have to reinvent myself professionally before COVID hit, I am now one of tens of millions of Americans who find themselves in a professional pivot. In addition to being anxious about my future financial health, I also found myself grieving and afraid. It was scary not to have an answer to the question ‘So what do you do?’ As much as we might protest that our job is not ‘who we are’, when that job is lost, it seriously and painfully calls our identity into question.
To be truly in (career) transition means two things: First, it means accepting the loss of identity, influence, power, position, income, routine and sense of worth that comes with having your work life as you have known it end. It also means allowing yourself to feel the feelings associated with that loss. Second, it means recognizing at the same time that stepping forward boldly into the messy process of transition is a prelude to taking charge of your professional life so that you can become more of who you want to be. (Beverly Ryle)
It’s been 8 months since I had a ‘job’. I am still struggling with answering the question, ‘What do you do?’ On a low day, I might answer, ‘I’m out of work right now.’ On a good day, I am excited to say, ‘I am a coach and consultant specializing in supporting people and organizations who are in transition.’
To help me navigate this inflection point in my working life, I took a few actionable steps:
I reconnected with a former coach and mentor . I started working with him a couple of months prior to my job ending; it was obviously a stressful time for those I worked with, and a stressful time for me personally. We met every Friday for the better part of 10 months. The stability of our work together helped me to manage a roller coaster of emotions and experiences.
I re-read a book I would recommend to anyone who finds themselves in a professional reset or pivot; Ground of your own Choosing, by Beverly Ryle. I found her words of deep comfort and inspiration. Ryle’s book is a process-based, and at times methodical approach to figuring out your next professional chapter. It’s not about listing your skills, past-experience, attributes, and training, it’s the harder, and more rewarding process of discovering your authentic self and your core values, so that you are in a position to choose or create opportunities that align with those values.
I also re-read William Bridges’ Transitions for the fourth time. His belief that ‘every new beginning starts with an ending,’ was invaluable to me in letting go of elements of my professional identity that were no longer true, or serving me. He acknowledges the messiness of the pivot process and in fact, recommends it. He warned me not to rush, hit rewind or fast-forward. It’s going to take as long as it takes. Bridges also wrote a book specifically about work transitions Creating you & Co which opens by providing some context around the current work climate. Most helpful to me was his suggestion to stop thinking about finding a ‘job’ and to start thinking about creating ‘work.’ This book is particularly helpful if you are considering launching your own business.
I finally got around to reading What color is your parachute by Richard N. Bolles. The star of this work-seeker classic, for me at least, is the prioritization grid. This tool really forces you to surface your preferences in a revealing way. For example, I’d prefer flexibility about when I work, over flexibility as to where I work. Also, when prioritizing my preferable working conditions, it turns out that I’d rather share an office that was clean, than have my own dirty office. As someone who really enjoys solitude, this surprised me!
I need to manage disappointment. Regularly.
I need to be kind to myself. Period.
It’s taken a lot of letting go, soul searching, and daring greatly (thanks Brene Brown) for ‘what I want’ to start coming into focus. An amazing friend and mentor who is also self-employed reminded me recently, “Girlfriend, you’re just at the beginning.’ That was hard to hear, but true, and ultimately helpful.
I’ve come a long way in the 8 months in figuring out what I want, and who I want to be professionally. Peter Drucker, the management consultant titan, said in his direct and simple way, “If you don’t know what you want, it’s not surprising you aren’t getting it.” Ouch. Again, hard to hear, but true.
Buckle up. Be kind to yourself. Consider a coach. It’s worth the ride.
A change is more than just a rest
First off, I need to make a correction from the video above. I misquoted Charles Duhigg when I said that 99% of everything we do is a habit. The actual percentage, based on a 2006 Duke University study, is 40%. This is still an extraordinary amount of our daily actions I think! Duhigg’s book, ‘The Power of Habit’, explores how we form and change behaviors. As a transitions specialist, this seemed like a book I should read. His exploration of how to change habits intersects with William Bridges’ work around making sense of life’s changes, a grounding methodology for my work as a coach and consultant. Here’s Duhigg:
Habits are not destiny, they can be ignored, changed or replaced. But the reason the discovery of the habit loop (cue, routine, reward) is so important is because it reveals a basic truth. When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in decision making. It stops working so hard, or diverts focus to other tasks. So unless you deliberately fight a habit – unless you find a new routine – the pattern will unfold automatically.
During COVID, we have quickly developed new routines that allow us to do our jobs at home, get groceries without leaving the house, educate our children without sending them to school, and the list goes on. I’ve talked a lot in previous posts about how COVID is an opportunity to leverage; an unexpected window of time to take a hard look at our lives, and perhaps make changes we would not have considered pre-COVID. There is this internal struggle between battening down the hatches (reinforcing well-established routines, and securing new ones) to make us feel safe, and the desire to make courageous decisions about what we need and want that could fundamentally alter the direction of our lives. Bridges and Duhigg suggest that in order to break up the cue systems that reinforce our current roles and behaviors, we need to remove ourselves from the familiar. It’s the same concept as meditation, or participating in a retreat. Here’s Bridges:
Christ makes a 40 day journey, young initiates are removed from the family and taken to the forest, Oedipus leaves home to avoid a fate that, as it turns out, he meets along the way. We no longer have oracles or visions, no-one rings a bell one morning and says ‘your time has come.’ But all the same, we do find ourselves periodically being disengaged either willingly or unwillingly from activities, the relationships, the settings, and the roles that have been important to us. What if these losses are symbolic that a time of personal transition is beginning?
Duhigg’s work on ‘habits’ focuses on change on the micro level, while Bridges’ work on ‘transitions’ is more macro, but the premise of the conditions under which the change can occur is the same; remove yourself from the familiar. Considering the restrictions put on our lives due to COVID, how can we change something as small as a habit, or as significant as say, a career change? My suggestion is to start small. Just get a change of scenery.
Drive to a random town you’ve always wanted visit and pick up a coffee.
Walk around the streets with no real agenda.
If possible, do it in solitude.
No earbuds.
Mute the phone.
Breathe.
Listen.
A change is much more than just a rest.
Resilience as a skill
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"Resilience isn't a single skill. It's a variety of skills and coping mechanisms. To bounce back from bumps in the road as well as failures, you should focus on emphasizing the positive." (Jean Chatsky)
Chatzky draws our attention to the multiple applications of one of my favorite words, resiliency. This year has kindly provided us with inexhaustible opportunities to develop our resiliency. Thank you 2020! We are facing relentless simultaneous challenges and being tested daily. Unfortunately, I don’t see much sign of it letting up. Many of the challenges that have surfaced this year; an increase in violence and prejudice against people of color, COVID, wildfires, and a deeply troubling political landscape, are symptoms of chronic issues that will be the hallmarks of the first half of the 21st century. So, settle in, we are going to be here for a while. Resilience needs to be one of everyone’s favorite words!
I specifically wanted to focus on resilience as a skill, a behavior, a practice, rather than the idea of resilience as a trait. We all have some level of resilience, but it’s not a static attribute. Unconsciously, resilience looks like the slow build up of tolerance, like a callus, that comes from living through life’s painful chapters. Consciously, resilience is an active response; choices we can make albeit under duress and with great effort, to manage difficult periods.
“No matter how bleak or menacing a situation may appear, it does not entirely own us. It can't take away our freedom to respond, our power to take action.” (Ryder Carroll)
Unless we recognize and pay attention to our resilient behaviors, we can’t practice them. We can, and should, intentionally develop resilience. What are three new resilient behaviors you have noticed or developed in 2020? For me, they are flexibility, creativity, and enthusiasm.
Flexibility – Despite 17 years of yoga, I remain tight as a board, on and off my mat! I like to be in control, and therefore work really hard, physically and mentally, to improve my flexibility. In relation to resilience, I see flexibility as our ability to be responsive, adaptable, to think on our feet, and get comfortable with working around obstacles. Human beings and our institutions, LOVE to do things the way we have always done them. COVID has required us to do things differently. If we can’t celebrate a loved one’s birthday in person, how are we going to do it? If we can’t sing with the church choir, how are we going to make music together? How many times have you said in the last 8 months, ‘It’s not as good as in person, but it’s better than nothing!’ That’s flexibility.
Creativity – I have welcomed the breaks in the incessant news to hear the light-hearted stories about people baking sourdough, brewing beer, quilting, and planting vegetable gardens. These pastimes are not just escapism, they are necessary creative outlets for expression and a form of coping. When we bust out the KitchenAid or garden rake, we are practicing resilience. This skill is related to the last one; in order to be flexible, we get creative.
Enthusiasm – When experiencing so many externally imposed restrictions on our normal way of doing things, we can find ourselves working really hard to find cracks for the light to shine through. When I catch even the smallest glimmer of light, I have a disproportionate amount of enthusiasm for it! My creative outlet this year has been to experiment with baking. I love to cook but until this year, I had never owned a muffin pan. The sense of achievement, bordering on delirium I felt when turning out an edible quiche crust and delicious corn muffins, far exceeded the norm. I savored the moment. Literally.
Angela Duckworth, psychologist and author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance wrote, “Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.”
I read here that she sees enthusiasm as a pre-requisite for endurance. By behaving and responding enthusiastically, we build endurance. By building endurance, we become more resilient.
I hope you will take a little time to reflect on newly acquired resilient skills. I’d love to hear from you with what you’ve noticed and learned. I’ll end how I started, with Chatsky’s quote, “To bounce back from bumps in the road… you should focus on emphasizing the positive.”
So, what are you enthusiastic about?
We’re all in transition
I think I speak for all 7.8 billion people on the planet when I share that at least once a day I fantasize about midnight on December 31st, 2020. I am not sure if I believe in the concept of 'a reckoning', but it sure feels like that's what's happening. There's this feeling of absolute saturation as we continue to manage multiple life changing challenges, simultaneously. Enough already.
AND... I wouldn't presume I speak for everyone on the planet when I share that I find myself constantly needing to make meaning out of 2020. If we are going to go through all this, can we please, please, make it matter. Is it possible to come out of this terrible time a little more... (complete this sentence with whatever is top of your list today)?
2020 has upset a long-standing arrangement. Humanity is in major transition. Lockdown has pressed pause, and forced us to take a step, no, a leap, back from our normal way of doing things. The result is undoubtedly chaotic, but there's also an accompanying emptiness, a collective inhale, while we wonder, and wait to see how life is going to look on the 'other side'. This much I know, 2020 is one for the history books. For the next 50 years shelves will be full of books examining the way in which COVID 19 permanently changed how human beings live and work. The big question is, will we have learned anything? Will things be better on the 'other side' because of it?
In a recent poll conducted by OnePoll, 55% of 2000 respondents looked back on their values pre-quarantine with some 'embarrassment', and 70% of those polled expressed that life post-lockdown will look very different as a result of what they've learned and experienced; more time with friends and family, better work/life balance etc. I did my own poll in mid-June asking people to summarize how they were feeling in just one word. While I received back plenty of 'lost', 'anxious', and 'overwhelmed', I was also interested to see the word 'grateful' repeatedly. In follow-up conversations, people expressed gratitude for things that in 2019 they took for granted; health, having food on the table, a home, employment etc. When digging a little deeper though, what surfaced was gratitude for the fact that COVID, as terrible as it is, has forced people into reevaluating well, pretty much everything. By pulling us away from all that is familiar, and locking us up with ourselves, COVID holds up a mirror, forcing deep reflection into well-established behaviors and ways of moving in the world. Would we ever have done this kind of soul searching without an external intervention the size of a global pandemic?
As a coach and consultant I have been heavily influenced by the work of William Bridges, whose book, 'Transitions, Making Sense of Life's Changes' published its 40th anniversary edition in December of 2019. I find this insight helpful:
'One of the difficulties of being in transition in the modern world is that we have lost our appreciation for the gaps in the continuity of existence. For us, emptiness represents only the absence of something. So when what's missing is as important as relatedness and purpose and reality, we try to find ways of replacing these missing elements as quickly as possible... we hope it can only be a temporary, if unfortunate situation to be endured.'
Earlier this month, I launched a flexible 8-week coaching offering for individuals, teams or organizations, ‘Write your 2021 Story'. Using Bridges 'Transitions' model, I am working with clients to make meaning out of 2020, to recognize what chapters are ending, to stay curious about the 'emptiness', and to possibly make choices that will lead to increased happiness and fulfillment. Based on everything you have learned so far in 2020, what do you want your life to look like in 2021? If this sounds like a potentially helpful mindset shift for you, please read more about this coaching offering by clicking on the link above, or simply contact me to schedule a time to talk.
Bridges goes on to say, "Divorces, deaths, job changes, moves... disengage us from the contexts in which we have known ourselves. They break up the old cue system that served to reinforce our behavior... As long as a system is working, it is very difficult for a member of it to imagine an alternative way of life and an alternate reality. But, with disengagement, an inexorable process of change begins."
I imagine Bridges, who passed away in 2013, would be busy right now penning the 41st anniversary edition to help us make sense of 2020. Add to cart and next day delivery please.
My new blog- Weekly Rambles
It all begins with an idea.
Mid run, Blue Hills Reservation - MA. May 2020
I’m not a religious person, but I’m definitely spiritual. Trees are my church. I grew up in rural England and spent most of my free time running around the hills and woods of Somerset. I feel completely different when I am around them and within them. Yes, there is a sense of deep contentment, but also pure physical and mental elation. Trees humble me with their relentless resilience, and the enduring and vital role they play in the ecosystem. I feel like I am part of something bigger when I am in their presence. I’ve felt this way as long as I can remember.
As a coach, search consultant and interim leader, I work with individuals and organizations to not just manage, but embrace transition. At the heart of this work is helping people to realize and accept what is coming to an end, and to see the opportunity in the space between what was and what could be. When I was looking for something to ground my working philosophy, trees loomed strong and large. Rumi tells us to “Be like a tree. Stay grounded, keep growing, and know when to let go.” This mantra is invaluable for people or places in transition. We don’t grow, unless we let go (that’s rhymes if you read it out loud).
So, beginning next week, I hope you will come on a weekly walk in the trees with me. We can ramble while rambling.